Lithuanian Matrimony

You've probably woken up many days thinking "I wonder what a Lithuanian wedding is like?"

Well folks, I have your answer. It should be noted that there were several aspects of the wedding I attended last weekend in Siauliai (pronounced "shao-lay") that met with the strict standards of the International Matrimonial Norms, Elements and Regulations Dictates (IMaNERD):

• There must be at least one Mom or Grandma dancing the shoulder-shrug shimmy; often in conjunction with finger-snapping.
• There must be at least one guy who gets loaded and puts a tie or other object on his head (see above - no, that ain't me).
• There must be a minimum of two Abba songs played.
• There must be one uncle who has to dance with every woman present, and somewhat creepily at that.

With these all met easily, the wedding did have some interesting customs that I was unaccustomed to:

• The bus that took us all from the ceremony to the reception stopped at a bridge, whereupon the bride and groom got out and he had to carry the her across it for good luck. Others could follow them doing them same with their respective partners, also for good fortune.

• A "table commander" was assigned to various sections of the dinner table. Among his/her roles were to ensure that everyone drinks and had a full beverage ready when a toast was made. Many toasts were made.

• Before the wedding, at the house of the bride's family, the groom was blindfolded and had to try to fit a shoe belonging to his wife on the right foot, with a choice of 5 other pairs of feet. So he would feel the others' feet first and would get in trouble if he didn't recognize his wife's own.

• In a big departure from North American weddings, the bride and groom see each other and pre-celebrate at the bride's home with family and friends before even heading to the church.

• There were a number of games throughout the evening which involved drinking. And the party did not stop till 5am. We were among the first to leave at 2am; even a 79-year old grandma stayed till 4:30.

Overall, it was a very nice time, with great hospitality provided to this obvious foreigner. And now you finally know what a Lithuanian wedding is like.

The evening's entertainment. A non-stop odyssey of Lithuanian old-school.

The wait at a ranchhouse while photos and sleigh rides were held outside. Treats included brandy, vodka, champagne, and pastries.

This is not the church where the ceremony was held, but the place where photos were taken in-between ceremony and reception.

The church where the ceremony was held. In English, "The Church of St. We No Pay the Heating Bills"

Bride and Groom. We could honestly see his breath when he said "I do" ("Taip", or Yes)

Hammer time

The rented bus had strict rules, including a rather random "no ice cream cones" policy

You're thinking "Is that woman wearing a makeshift diaper and running away from a man menacingly pouring vodka?" Yes. That's exactly what it is.

Lithuanian Observations

This past weekend took me to Lithuania, for a wedding and a meeting of the in-laws. I would suggest there's no better way to get completely immersed in a culture than heading to a wedding where 49 out of the 50 people in attendance are from that very country.

Lithuania, for the uninitiated, is often lumped in with Estonia and Latvia in regular conversation. A small country of some 3.5 million, it takes roughly six hours by car to get from one end to another.

The country, like so many above a certain latitude, shows its best side in summer, and its grossest in early spring, where the snow needs a wash and trees need leaves.

In that same vein, there were at least a dozen times where I could easily have been driving through Lacombe, Carp, Albany, or any one of a thousand other North American small towns and countrysides.

I didn't make it to Vilnius, the capital, but instead hung out in Silute ("Shi-loo-tay"), a town of about 25,000 people. It showed a few marks of a run-down working-class ex-communist ruled spot, but otherwise it was also similar to any small city.

The entertainment media had some interesting stuff going for it. The language is a complex one, sounding (to me anyhow) as though Italian and Russian languages had a baby. Words have different endings based on their subject; I was able to read the latest on Ludacrisu, Rihannus, and of course Lady Gagos. Some impossibly bad soap operas and an all-day American Idol-type station were on the tube. It was here that I learned Bon Jovi's "It's My Life" sounds even worse in Lithuanian than in English.

More observations next post, from My Big Fattening Lithuanian Wedding (not mine, actually). For now, some photos...

Parts of Lithuania's countryside in the Western part often sees floods in winter and spring, leaving behind this cool-looking ice ring on a lot of trees.

This is a Russian guard tower. Just outside Silute, in a town called Rusne, you can walk across about 100m of ice (or swim it in the summertime) and be in Russia. The dudeski in the tower will have some questions for you though (no joke).

200 Lithuanian Litai equal $80 U.S.

Your standard supermarket wall o' vodka

Labas

More travel posts coming next week as I hit Lithuania for a visit.

For now, some non-travel observations on the English language and phrases to be mindful of, ones which ideally will be stricken from everyday use:

"Last time I checked...": whatever follows this is going to be a douchey, bitchy comment. And the person saying it also probably didn't check anything either.

"No disrespect, but...": the next words will most definitely be disrespectful.

"....., just sayin'": whatever words precede this are normally much less clever and funny than the person thinks they are. Just sayin'.

"I'm not racist, but...": the words following this will make it sound like the person is.

World Press Photo 2011

Have a look at the photo gallery on the link below. And then slap me if I ever complain about a rained-out weekend ever again.

World Press Photo 2011 is on tour now, arriving in Amsterdam in late April.

World Press Photo

Hermitage

With all the events going on in the Middle East, now seems as good a time as any to do some historical digging into the region.

With that, and with a mini-resolution to see more museums this year in the Netherlands, it was off to the Alexander the Great exhibition at Hermitage Amsterdam.

The Hermitage "brand" was started in St.Petersburg, Russia in the 1700's, and still today holds a massive collection of art. After some 324 years as an old age home here in Amsterdam, the building I visited today has been known as Hermitage Amsterdam only since July 2009.

It is a beautiful facility. Outside, it is a little plain to look at as it stares down at the Amstel. As soon as you step into the courtyard (with flowers already starting to wake up - yesss), you get a sense of space and peace (speace?) that this densely populated city rarely offers you.

Inside, the exhibit is very well laid out over two floors. There are huge paintings, ancient scraps of writing, armor, videos and well-plotted maps that show just how much turf AtG covered in his brief 32+ years on this planet.

I previously knew next-to-nothing about the man and his outsized personality - part murderous, part magnificent, part myth.

The highlight of this particular trip (sorry for the lack of photos; picture-taking, even without flash, is not allowed so I snuck some quick shots in when security wasn't looking) was a series of reliefs by Antoine Marie Melotte. Made in the 1700s, they depict a number of episodes from AtG's famous battles, and are carved from some kind of wood. They were amazingly detailed.

Check out the highlights of the exhibit and examples of those reliefs here.

I now know a lot more than the day before, and I had those same feelings I get when visiting any museum - awe, appreciation of history and art, a greater awareness of just how short our time is on this earth, and moderate lower back pain.

"Dammit! These self-tanner instructions are all Greek to me"

The blurriness is due to the contraband, quick-shot covert photo taking

Slackin on my Bloggin

A big apology to those regular readers of this blog for the lack of posts of late. It seems regular work and lack of travel contribute to slow bloggage.

Blog life was easier when I had time, simply put. For a long while (too long), infrequent work did make it easier to pick and go to a new place, within Amsterdam or elsewhere in Europe.

And it gave me time to think too, to ponder and write.

What is unemployment (or the over-used term 'funemployment') like? A lot like a Jack Johnson album, I think. At first you're thinking 'hey this is nice - easy, mellow, a good break from the daily clatter of life'. Life slows down, and happily so. You feel the sun on your face. Things are pretty sweet for a while.

By the fourth song, however, you get so colossally bored that you want to jab a fork in your eye, just to shake things up. For this reason, I am also happy to be so busy again.

So the writing will continue, albeit a little slower as regular work life interjects. Some interesting things loom, however, with a few museum visits planned and a trip to Eastern Europe. So stick around, please!

Hot Spots 4

The fourth (and perhaps final, at least for blogging purposes) sauna visit in Amsterdam and area brought me to Sauna Deco, a very centrally located spot in the heart of Amsterdam.

The same rules apply here as for every other spot visited on the tour so far - coed, nude in the saunas and tubs, but sport a robe or towel in the food and lounge-y areas.

Is it getting old, seeing people naked? Normal, even? I would say no, but it certainly doesn't have that holy-s*it-I'm-naked-in-a-room-full-of-women feeling that I started out with last year. I have shed some of that North American prudishness, that's for sure.

Sauna Deco, as its name suggest, takes its decor seriously. A very nicely laid-out place, on the medium side in terms of size (not the colossus that Spa Zuiver is, but larger that Sauna Fenomeen).

It's a really nice building, with stained glass windows, ornate handrails and polished wood steps, and it has a steam room, infra-red sauna, a couple of regular dry saunas, and various tubs to cool off in, along with two outdoor sitting areas.

It also has several spots to lounge about and get your Zen on, or just have a hushed conversation with a partner.

T'was a fine way to spend 3-4 hours on a cool Sunday afternoon. Except for one thing (see "Vibe" below).

Price: decent - 21.50Euros for all day on a weekend. Prices vary for off-peak times.

Crowd/Vibe: 50-50 male/female, anywhere between 30 and 60 years old, and like the others visited on this tour, it was a mix of the fit and not-so-fit.

Sauna Deco is a relaxed, very quiet place, especially the upstairs where you can grab a blanket and lie down on a thick mat. Bring an iPod up here and drift away...

BUT - it can have a slightly creepy vibe if you are male and not into, um, other males. There is a bit of leering going on - and it's not one of those saunas just for dudes either. It's something that women get all the time from the hetero world in saunas and on the streets. Here in the sauna, you can ignore it pretty quickly by just, well, ignoring it pretty quickly.

Location: Very central and ideally located for the tourist, you'll hear other languages here although Dutch is still the main one. Pay attention though - there's no neon sign hanging outside, so you might zip right past it.

Overall: a clean, visually pleasing, not busy, very easy place to relax - unless you are homophobic. Although if you are, you need to relax more anyway.

And this wraps up my unwrapped tour folks. I wholeheartedly recommend doing a sauna in Holland for something new, adventurous, and relaxing.

De Pijp

Living back in De Pijp again, a funky little warren of a neighbourhood consisting of corner pubs, the biggest street market in the city, a little (ok, more than a little) litter, and chock full of high-end and low-end dwellings, restaurants, and people.

The past 3 days, the wind has been blowing like mad. Biking here is an experience almost anytime, but being blown into oncoming traffic or lightposts adds another element of adventure.

Some photos from this morning's walk around the 'hood...

Some fresh flowers for Andre Hazes, De Pijp's favourite son. He was discovered at age 8 at the Albert Cuyp street market here, and went on to become one of Hollands's most popular singers. He sung mostly levenslied (songs about life) - essentially Dutch folk music.

A four-seater, with air conditioning

In many countries, this would be illegal

Copyright infringement? Nah, let's just put "67" at the end

Wind damage

Update - Amsterdam Aparments

As a follow-up (and a much more thorough piece) to the previous post regarding Amsterdam's interesting apartment life, have a look at this article. It explains the tenant protections very well, and also highlights why Amsterdam has avoided becoming Paris or London.

At one time or another, all residents of Amsterdam - especially expats - will have been involved in heated discussions about the seemingly impossible task of finding reasonable and affordable housing in the city. For some, the solution is to buy their own apartment, but at the housing market’s current inflated price levels, this option is open to fewer and fewer people. For students, short-term residents and those on average salaries, or below, there is only the rental market. As a member of Amsterdam city council’s Wijksteunpunt Wonen (District Housing Support Group), Guido Zijlstra advises tenants on a daily basis about their rights and entitlements. In this issue, he provides some invaluable guidelines to expats; the universal "suckers" of the rental market.

Expats often tend to compare rental prices in Amsterdam with those in their home countries. They consider a monthly rent of 800 euros, or more, for a two or three room apartment "reasonable" and are not aware that their Dutch neighbours probably pay no more than 300 euros. This is why all the housing rental agencies love expats so much: they are ignorant to the local laws and some of them think that those laws only apply to locals or to apartments that belong to the city council.


Tenants’ rights

As a tenant in the Netherlands, you are protected by the law in several ways.

First of all, once you agree to rent an apartment (either verbally or through a written contract), this agreement can only be terminated by the tenant; not by the landlord, except in extreme circumstances (e.g. failure to pay the rent, in which case, the landlord must start a court case against the tenant). A contract that states "temporary" or "one-year lease" does not automatically end after the expiry date. A temporary contract is only allowed in very rare and specific situations. So if you think you have a temporary contract, you most likely don’t!

The second protection a tenant has is that the landlord cannot simply charge what he / she likes for an apartment. Every apartment has a maximum rent, which is calculated using a points system. Every square metre and all the facilities in the apartment score points and the total number of points equates to a certain maximum rent. Anyone can ask a Huurteam (viawww.wswonen.nl) to visit their apartment and perform the calculation at no cost.

If you pay more than the maximum rent according to this points system, you are entitled to have your rent reduced by the Huurcommissie (similar to a civil court that deals solely with housing rental cases/. It is very easy to start a re-evaluation process and the Huurteam can also help you with this, free of charge.

There is only one situation in which your rent cannot be reduced and that is if you pay more than 630 euros a month kale huur (flat rent) and you have paid that amount for more than six months. In such cases, the law considers that the protection it has offered for six months is not required. So, always start a process within the first six months of the contract. The exception to this rule is all-inclusive rents, for which you can start a process at any time.


Taking on the agencies

Many apartments that are rented out to expats are found via rental agencies. These agencies will try to make you pay as much as possible, because they normally receive one month’s rent as a fee. This is illegal. In May of this year, the highest civil court in the country decided that agencies must work in tenants’ interests. This means that if you pay too much and you have rented the apartment through an agency, you can start a process against the agency. One tenant who did this was awarded 15.000 euros in compensation by the courts. She was actually too late to lower the rent through the Huurcommissie(having lived there for more than six months), but she successfully sued the agency for not informing her about this law. The agency has to pay her the difference between the maximum rent permitted by law and the actual amount that she pays to the landlord, for as long as the contract lasts.

Many expats that I have spoken to consider using the system to get their rent reduced unfair to the landlord with whom they have signed a contract. This is ridiculous and they obviously do not understand the Dutch politics behind the legislation. Rental prices in the Netherlands are regulated precisely because the authorities do not want the inner city of Amsterdam and the surrounding neighbourhoods to be turned into yuppie zones, even more than they already have done, and so become more like London, Paris or New York. If the rental system had been liberalised, as the government proposed around two years ago, most locals would have already left areas like the Centre, De Pijp and the Oud-West, and the apartments would have been rented out solely to expats, who are willing to spend half, or more, of their income on rent. The Netherlands’ rental laws are intended to keep cities and their inhabitants diverse, lively, colourful and cosmopolitan. Surely these are exactly the reasons why most expats chose Amsterdam as their new home in the first place! So, consider your circumstances and, if possible, please do get your rent reduced. It is your duty as a resident and it makes perfect economical sense.


What tenants need to know

› There is no such thing as a temporary contract (except in very rare and / or particular circumstances).
› Only a tenant (not a landlord) can terminate a contract (except in very rare and / or particular circumstances).
› Anyone can ask a Huurteam to visit their apartment and calculate the maximum rent, at no cost.
› Make sure you contact the Huurteam within the first six months of your rental contract.
› Try to get your rent reduced, if possible - it is your duty to the city.
› Visit www.wswonen.nl for further information.

Apartment-Hunting

"Expats only", say many of the ads. And by "expats" they mean "suckers".

So goes the Amsterdam scam. Scamsterdam. Amsterscam. Ok, I'll stop - you get the idea.

For $2000/month (1250 Euros), you will be sitting in a 65-meter-square (210 feet) one-bedroom place in a relatively central part of the city.

Cost aside, the housing system is full of interesting pitfalls for the uninitiated, along with some perks too. Here's how it works:

• Social housing, which here means something much different and more comfortable that social housing in North America, is a program by which most Nederlanders can apply for, and get on a waiting list. This is government-subsized housing, in some very nice places throughout the city.

• The waiting list, depending on who you speak to, can be anywhere from 6 months to several years.

• Once "in", you live in a sweet apartment for say 300-400 Euros, provided you don't make over a certain amount of salary.

• You pay this rent for many years, in some cases a lifetime, irrespective of the money you earn - and you've likely increased your salary since the time you applied to get on the list. Technically this is not allowed, but it is nigh unenforceable or trackable.

• You then pair up with a mate or buy another home and rent your place for some 800-1500Eur profit to a hapless and desperate expat.

• The expat does have some recourse, in the form of a committee that assesses the real value of a home; it can then reduce the amount you need to pay (and really p*** off your landlord in the process, one can imagine - but many people do this and save a lot on renting). But a number of landlords won't let you legally register, which then makes it impossible to get this commission to investigate.

• All of this is of course buyer beware - no one forces you to live in a non-registered place - but like in any foreign country, newcomers simply don't know the local rules and are thus easy prey.

• The landlords do assume a significant risk on one hand though, in that they cannot evict renters without a serious process - in some cases lasting several years. Once "in", a renter can really kind of squat and make things difficult. But who wants to do that? Bad karma.

There are more technical ins and outs, but that's it in a nutshell. Very different from the more capitalistic, less-Left-leaning West, with the only real similarity is that everyone is just playing by the rules of supply and demand. And Amsterdam, with its million things to do and laissez-faire lifestyle, is in demand.

The real tips?

• Don't rent anywhere that you cannot register and do try to haggle for a lower price, if you are an attractive tenant (professional, courteous, have excellent choice in blog-reading).
• Do look at Craigslist and then call to view a place right away - good spots go fast.
• Do join a group like "Amsterdam Apartments 4 Rent" on Facebook, where the likelihood of being scammed is diminished by the fact that you can see who's posting the ad.
• There are agency fees with some places; they provide some assurance that you are not getting jobbed, but they can also charge one month's rent as a fee. Haggle this.

Happy hunting!

Amsterdam Angle

Seen: On Keizersgracht, Jan 26th. Just outside the office.

Over the coming weeks, random shots of Amsterdam...always something around the corner.

Cafe Loetje

I remember, as many men do, the first time I saw jeggings. Just the feeling of sheer delight and wonder, a little surreal but quite pleasing.

My first time at Amsterdam's classic Cafe Loetje recently was pretty much the same. Amsterdam is known for many things, but a good steak is definitely not one of them. Sure, there are the dime-a-dozen "Argentinian steakhouses" that dot the tourist areas, but they don't come close to matching Loetje (pronounced "loot-yuh").

Jam-packed but still very fun (again, not unlike jeggings), Loetje offers steak and more steak. You can ask for it to be done a certain way, but it's best to just order it - they will bring it medium rare every time, and it is just perfect.

The atmosphere is standing-room only when you walk in, where the crowd is mostly Dutch, from the well-to-do to blue collar bikers, anywhere from 25-65, and you will wait with a drink or two for a good 30 minutes at least. Then your name is called, like your mom calling you in from the yard for your favourite meal.

You might then be seated next to a dog, welcome anytime in the restaurant and in fact part of the restaurant's lore (they have their own webpage here).

Then it's time to choose - maybe a carpaccio appetizer (lekker), definitely a classic, perfect steak with fries, and plenty of red wine. And maybe a sticky toffee cake for dessert.

You roll out of there a few hours later, warm, full, and certain that you have experienced a real Amsterdam original.

Conan O'Brien - slightly less appealing in jeggings, or meggings

January 18

Blue Monday. The third Monday of January.

The idea that there is one single day when we’re most likely to feel down was introduced by British psychologist Cliff Arnall of Cardiff University in 2005. By taking into account a series of factors, including the weather, the payday and the days left until the next one, days since the first New Year resolution was broken and days gone since Christmas, Dr. Arnall came up with the concept of Blue Monday, also known as the most miserable day of the entire year. Of course, not everybody agrees with it, on the premise that the entire month of January can be a period when one is in low spirits.

While on the payroll of a PR firm five years ago Arnall ‘calculated’ that the third Monday in January was the most miserable day of the year. To make this divination, the former Cardiff University lecturer came up with a complicated equation comprising seven variables: (W) weather, (D) debt, (d) monthly salary, (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failed quit attempt, (M) low motivational levels and (NA) the need to take action.

And so. What to do?

You laugh with co-workers, draw up some travel plans, make some meatballs, walk the dog, and watch Saturday Night Live clips, like the one with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg and that chubby dude acting as Beyonce's backup dancers, or Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze competing to be a Chippendale dancer.

Not much of a travel blog post, but it still beats the Blue Monday blues.

Winter Schminter

As the post-holiday winter funk sets in and Amsterdam is awash in grey, blustery weather, some warm favourites are shown from the past 12 months to remind us that the sun does exist. Hopefully you can feel the same warmth that I do when looking at them.

Today, Malaga.